Natalie Arriola Photography


This is an intensely personal series of images. In part because they are all self portraits and in part because they say something about who I am at the core.

I have gone through an intense period of change over the last two years. Most notably I quit drinking and have found myself trying to remember who I was before I began my decline into alcoholism.

What I have discovered is that I was and always have been exactly the lost and confused person who attempted to find solace in escaping herself.

I am still this person. I have changed in that I have chosen to stop chasing a phantom that promises release, but only brings more pain and suffering. I have chosen to fight the good fight and try to find a way to live and be in this world.

Sometimes I feel like I’m succeeding at finding my own way and others I feel like I’m wandering in the dark.

This lyric from one of my favorite musicians, Elliott Smith, conveys these feelings far better than any words of my own ever could.

"I got static in my head
The reflected sound of everything
Tried to go to where it led
But it didn't lead to anything"

- Elliott Smith